God Damn It! Who Is My Father?
by mpkio2
Summary: Cartman is told that the results of his father's identity were tampered with. Now, stronger than ever, he wants to know who his father is. But is he ready to hear the truth that will change his life forever? Rated T
1. Part I

**A/N:**

**OK, I've actually had this fanfic planned for almost a year now, but seeing how the last new episode of South Park ended on a cliff-hanger note with the question "Who is Eric Cartman's father?", it seemed the best time to write this fanfic now, before the creators change anything with another twist.**

**Seeing how the episode "200" ended with that question, it seemed like the best time to write this fanfic (I've had to change a few things, but all in all, it works out alright).**

**By the way, this is fanfic is based on my own opinion. I don't know anything else about Cartman's REAL father so, please don't ask questions. If you disagree with my opinion, that's perfectly fine. Thank you! :)**

**Sorry for bad spelling and grammar! (Still need to be Beta'd by my awesome new beta, but because tie is of the essence, I have posted it anyway. I will update with corrects soon!)**

**Enjoy! :)**

* * *

**Title: **God Damn It! Who Is My Father!

**Rating: **T (Because it's South Park!)

**Description: **Cartman is told that the results of his father's identity were tampered with. Now, stronger than ever, he wants to know who his father is. But is he ready to hear the truth that will change his life forever?

**Warnings: **May spoil Episode 1405 to those who haven't seen it yet.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I am obliged to write this statement, for if I don't, I would probably be sued for god knows how much money. In short, I don't own South Park; Matt Stone and Trey Parker do.

* * *

**God Damn It! Who's My Father!**  
Written by mpkio2

**Part 1**

"God damn it, Garrison. Who is my father!"

Mr. Garrison sighed deeply. Cartman couldn't see if he was closing his eyes or anything but he really didn't care at all; he just wanted to know the truth, the truth that the ones closest to him had been keeping a secret for almost over a year. He thought he could trust people, thought they would never lie to him, but god damn it, how wrong he was! How couldn't he see it was a lie, a cover up! He would know...he had experience in that; he had experience in covering up the truth.

Now that Cartman thought about it, what he was told way back when revealed the DNA test and his father's identity, it really didn't make any sense. His mom is his father! Sure, he would believe back then; he was young and gullible. But now that Cartman is older, wiser and more cunning, the stuff he was told, revealed that his mom is a hermaphrodite; it really didn't make any sense at all!

And they had lied to him! , his mom and...his father. Who else was in on it? Was Kyle in on it? What about Stan? Kenny? Were those assholes in on it the whole time and didn't tell him, just so they could laugh behind his back about the whole thing! God, he so hated those assholes! If they were in on it...Cartman would think of some way to get his revenge...oh yes, he would.

But first, his mother. Just his mother. Not his father; she wasn't that anymore. She had lied to him all this time, had gone along with it, covered it up, made him believe a stupid thing that didn't make any sense. She had done this to hi. Funny, and Cartman really believed she cared about hi, thought she was the only one that cared about him; that, obviously, was a lie that Cartman, unfortunately, believed.

And his so called father...why? Why the fuck had he done this to him! Left him and made him a bastard child! How everyone else had a father, and he was left with nothing. Once he knew who his father is, he would ask a lot of heavy questions and his father...his dad...he better have some god damn good answers!

Cartman's thought process was stopped once he realized where he was; in Garrison's bedroom, awaiting an answer from Garrison himself. His back was turned to Cartman; was he bidding time? Was he deliberately pausing for so long? Why? This was starting to get annoying...

"Garrison," Cartman started in a stern voice. "Why aren't you telling me anything?"

"Yeah," came a voice from his hand, the voice belonging to none other than Mitch Connor, the hand puppet con-artist Cartman had created earlier in the year, but now was, strangely, taking on a life of it's...his...own. "Tell him the truth! We want answers!"

Garrison finally turned to face Cartman. A defeated a strange look was on his face.

"Just know this Eric," Garrison started. "We did it for your own sake-"

"Cut the crap," Cartman blurted out not wanting to hear any sob story from Garrison; all he wanted to know was who his father is. That was all he wanted to know...for now. "Just tell me who my father is,"

"I don't think your gonna-"

"Just tell me, Garrison!" Cartman was a little closer to Garrison, showing his death glare at the man, indicating that Cartman was serious; that this was a serious matter.

Garrison, seeing the look in Cartman's eyes, stepped back. The man sighed, looked left and right around the room, as if he was checking the room that no one else was listening in on the conversation.

"Alright, Eric," This was the moment, Cartman though, he would finally know, after for so long of not truly knowing, of being lied to. Finally, Cartman will know the truth...

"Your father is-"

BOOM!

A loud sound went off in the distance outside in the town of South Park. The room started to shake, violently. Objects and furniture started to shake, pictures fell to the floor and smashed from the force. After awhile, Cartman held onto Garrison's bedpost, holding on for dear life. Garrison was holding onto the bed as well. Screams and shouts could be heard from outside...

"What the hell is going on!" Cartman shouted over the loud shaking of the ground and objects.

"I have no idea!" Garrison replied in a shout. !I think it's the-"

But what Garrison thought it was, Cartman didn't know, for the next thing he knew, the floor beneath him started to quake and crack. The next thing he knew, both himself and Garrison were falling, objects falling with them, the floor crumbling beneath, became the ceiling crumbling on top.

Cartman desperately crawled from out of the rumble that was Garrison's house no longer than a few minutes ago. He felt blood gushing from his head and as he stood, he felt a sharp pain rise up his left leg; it hurt like hell. What the hell had happened? Why did Garrison's house crumble to the ground? His answer came shortly when he turned around and saw the devastating scene...

People were screaming like mad, cars were pushed to the side, houses were in pieces, smoke had risen into the air. The earth was shaking, people were on the ground, not moving, people were seriously hurt. Bombs, was the answer. Someone had put bobs in the whole of South Park...what the fuck!

Cartman heard a shuffling sound from behind him. He turned and saw that Garrison was emerging from the rumble, looking banged up, Mr. Hat in his right hand not looking any better.

Cartman walked up to him. Garrison coughed heavily. Cartman pulled Garrison to his face, glared into his eyes and said in a dark voice:

"Who. Is. My. Father!" With each word, Cartman shook Garrison strongly. Garrison just coughed. "Tell me!"

"You better tell him," came the voice of Mitch Connor from Cartman's left hand. Mitch Connor was smudged in black. His face was covered in a black lining, his eyes untouched. "He will kill you if you don't,"

"Your father..." The weak voice of Garrison started. But that was all that was said, as Garrison fell to the ground, unconscious.

Before Cartman could shake him and slap him about to wake him up, a voice from behind shouted out:

"Eric!" Cartman turned around and saw a man running towards him; it was Kyle's dad, Gerald Brofolski. "Your mom has been worried about you! I've been looking everywhere for you!"

"What the hell is going on!" Cartman shouted, gesturing to the destruction around him.

"It was the ginger's; they planted bombs around the town," Gerald answered. "They wanted to see Mohammed out of the bear costume. We didn't show them him and then this all happened," Gerald gestured to the town. "Why didn't we listen to them!"

"Why are you here for?" Cartman asked in a demanding voice pointing to the Jew.

"Your mom was worried about you and I offered to look for you,"

"Likely story," Cartman said in a huff. He folded his arms and turned his back to the Jew man. "You can go and tell that whore that I am never going to see her ever again,"

"Eric, this serious," Gerald said, his voice lower to the ground (Cartman guessed he was kneeling to his level). "I have to get you out of here and take you back to your mom-"

"Ha!" Cartman laughed a fake and dry laugh. "Like she really cares about my safety! Like I believe she's really worried about me! I don't believe it for a second! I'm not going nowhere until I have my answers..."

At this point, Cartman noticed the unconscious Garrison on the ground. Cartman jumped on the man and started to shake him to death.

"Wake up son of a bitch!" He started to slap him now. "You need to tell me who my father is! I need to know, now! I'm not going anywhere until I know the truth! Someone is lying to me and I wanna know who! Who is-"

"Eric...it's me," The voice was very timid, but Cartman heard it perfectly even over his shouts. Cartman turned, slowly, to face the man that was Gerald Broflovski.

"What?" Cartman asked in a distant and shocked voice. "What did you say?"

Gerald sighed deeply and closed his eyes. It looked like what he was trying to say to Cartman was killing him inside.

"I am your father, Eric. It's me."

Although there was screams, loud shouting, the rumbling under Cartman's feet, Cartman couldn't hear any of it. All he could hear was the words that were blurted to him by the one man he wished he never heard them blurted out of. He wished it wasn't true, he hoped, prayed in his head, that it wasn't true.

He wished he wasn't the son of a Jew...

**-TO BE CONTINUED IN PART 2-**

**A/N:**

**Sorry I had to leave off with a cliff-hanger (I'm sorta parodying what Matt and Trey did in the "200" episode of South Park). Didn't attend to leave it there but I figures this need to be in two parts o, maybe, three parts (I don't really know yet).**

**Forgot to mention, this whole fanfic will be based around Eric Cartman and the storyline of his father's identity. (The other storylines will be included and mentioned but they're not the main focus in this fanfic).**

**This picture here (Which is a preview for the next episode "201") is what inspired me to have Cartman to go and see Dr. Mephesto in the next part. Also, Mitch Connor is covered in black which I made him from the crumbling of r. Garrison's house:**

**http:/www. comedycentral. (Remove the gaps!)**

**Anyway, what do you think so far? Leave a review to let e know! More reviews, faster I will update!**

**I'm hoping to get this all posted before the next episode of South Park, but there's no guarantees.**

**So is Gerald Brofolski the father of Eric Cartman (Or Eric Broflovski. LOL)? Find out in the next episode where Cartman goes to Dr. Mephesto to find out more answers...**

**PLEASE REVIEW! :)**

**~mpkio2~**


	2. Part II

**A/N:**

**Thank you so much for the reviews! :)**

**I know! I know; I'm so freaking late in updating this fanfic (Seeing how "201", the sequel to "200" aired on TV like almost 2 months ago).**

**And so, it is revealed that Jack Terroman is Eric Cartman's father (In the words of Stan Marsh: "Dude, this is pretty fucked up right here!" LOL). Now, I already revealed, in the last chapter, that Gerald Broflovski is Eric's father and I'm going to stick by that idea; I'm not going to change that detail at all. **

**So, let us see how Eric Cartman tries to confirm that Gerald Broflovski is his father (Which he hopes he isn't!)...**

**Sorry for bad spelling and grammar! (Still need to be Beta'd by my awesome new beta, but because tie is of the essence, I have posted it anyway. I will update with corrects soon!)**

**Enjoy! :)**

**

* * *

****Title: **God Damn It - Who's My Father!

**Rating: **T (Because it's South Park!)

**Description: **Cartman is told that the results of his father's identity were tampered with. Now, stronger than ever, he wants to know who his father is. But is he ready to here the truth that will change his life forever?

**Warnings: **May spoil Episode 1405 to those who haven't seen it yet.

* * *

**Disclaimer: **I am obliged to write this statement, for if I don't, I would probably be sued for god knows how much money. In short, I don't own South Park; Matt Stone and Trey Parker do.

* * *

**God Damn It – Who Is My father?  
**Written by mpkio2

**Part II**

_It's not true, it's not true..._

_God, please tell me it's not fucking true!_

But God did not answer Eric Cartman's pitiful questions. Cartman was left with no answers to his prays. All he had was the word of a Jew...the word of a fucking money grabbing, sneaky Jew-rat! And did that mean anything to Cartman? Did his lies and twisty little words mean a thing to Cartman? Of course that didn't! He is a Jew after all.

But whether the Jew was right or just being the sneaky little dickhead who Cartman knew he was, did not stop Cartman's heart beating a hundred beats per second. It did not stop the fact that sweat was dripping down the back of his neck and ran down the back of his spine like a river. It did not stop the fact that Cartman wanted to just kill himself...

Because something, something that Cartman didn't know what it was, was playing around in his thoughts, in his mind. It was like a falling sensation; like the feeling you get when you know you're about to fall off your bike and hit the ground hard. It was like the feeling that pulled you down when you find out that you just lost your one million dollars. It was dread. It was fear. It was shock. It was all these emotions into one...

Cartman felt himself falling off a cliff, ready to hit the sharp rocks that were his death...

But Cartman didn't want to hit them; he wanted to grab onto the cliff face before the impact. He wanted to save himself from the fact that he could be a Jew himself. How fucking ironic is that! He has made fun of Jew's since he was born and now he finds out, from the hand of fucking fate, that he could be one. He could be one of those god-damn, sneaky Jews that he hates...

And better yet, he, Eric Cartman, would be a hypocrite. For Cartman, now that he reflected on himself, could see, with that falling/dreading sensation, that he possessed qualities of a Jew; Cartman wanted a million dollars, he loves shopping a Wal-Mart and he didn't, exactly, love Jesus Christ. Oh fuck, he was a Jew for sure; a fucking cheap, money grabbing Jew hypocrite!

And he would be _his_ son! _His_ fucking son! He would be Gerald Broflovski's son and would have to live in that god-forsaken house and eat all the crappy Jewish food, and go to sleep at a certain time and live by their god-damn weird and evil Jewish rituals and ways. He would have to dress as one of..._them_. He would have to wear that silly little white hat (He was going to get burned by the guys at school! They were going to make his life hell...) and wear one of those beards. And, worst yet, he would have to go to a synagogue and pray with all those other Jews and, if that came to be, if they accepted him, he would be part of the community. No, if that happened he would certainly kill himself.

He would have to live with them, be part of the Brolovski name (His name would be Eric Broflovski!) and that fat-bitch kike of a Jew would be his...step-mom! And that little Jew-rat! Kyle would...

And with the dreading feeling finally pulling Cartman down to the rocks, Eric dies. He realizes, as he sinks to his knees what, if Gerald Broflovski is his father, what it would mean between him and Kyle; what they were all this time without realizing it; how much of their relationship would be different; how awkward and how much of ell it would be if the fact was true...

Kyle would be his half-brother.

"Dear God," Cartman whispered as he covered his head with his shaking hands. "Please, no,"

Kyle may not be his full brother, but anything relating to Kyle meant death to Cartman. It would mean the end of his life. There was no way he would be related to _him_! Not fucking _him_! No fucking way! There has to be another way!

But there isn't another way and Cartman knows that. He and Kyle would be half-brothers; they would be related through tinted blood and Jew parents. They would, almost, be the same.

_No_

After all these years; after all the years he had been making the boy's life miserable and here it was, the truth, that he was picking on his own half-brother. That he had made fun of Kyle for all the reasons that he was and, now, he too was what he made fun off. How fucking ironic can it get! Heck, they could practically be _brothers_! Both could be the same!

"Eric?" It was Gerald Broflovski's voice that Cartman heard. Presently, Cartman was in the same place he stood when he heard the same man tell him that he is his father, except Cartman was now on the ground. Booms went off all around the two of them and their was screeching and people screaming could be heard, but Cartman only ignored it.

"We have to get out of here, Eric," The Jew man continued in a worried voice. "I know your probably shocked and all, but I must take you to your mother..."

Mother. Yes, that woman. That bitch that lied to him! The woman who did everything for him! The woman who did anything he asked with the snap of his fingers. Yes, _her_. Of course, she cared for him. Not telling who his true father is; yes, that really shows she cares!

NO!

She doesn't care! She doesn't give a shit about Cartman! She doesn't do anything! She just gets fucked by all the men in the whole fucking town! She does nothing! And did she protect Eric? No, she didn't! She's only lied to him for all this time! She's only been doing everything for him because she probably feels guilty for not telling him the truth! She had the chance to tell him, but she let them get away with it! She didn't even tell him! Even before Maphesto announced that...

"Come on, Eric," Gerald continued to move Cartman, talking to him in that concerned voice. "I must take you to your mother where it is safe..."

But they weren't going to go to his mother. Both were going to visit a very lonely man on the top of a hill in a lonely building. He would know the answers; he would know everything...he does know everything! He could finally tell Cartman the truth about everything; if Gerald is his father, who covered up the lie, everything. He would know...

Cartman slowly put his hands down. He lifted himself off from the ground and looked directly at the Jew. Thinking he had gotten through to Cartman, Gerald smiled.

"Now, we will go to your mother-"

"What we will do," Cartman started in a serious voice, glaring at the man. "Is go to Maphesto's. We will go there and I will know everything at last..."

* * *

Cartman and Gerald made it to the top of the hill with very little difficulty, surprisingly, seeing as Barbra Streisand was rampaging through the town and destroying everything in her path, fire and destruction everywhere. Bombs planted from some Terrorist organisation were blowing up houses as well. Whatever was going on, was big, but Cartman didn't really care much about any of it; all he wanted was to hear some answers...

When both reached the doorbell to the abandoned looking laboratory that was Maphesto's home, Cartman and Gerald could just about hear the screams of people from the town as a whisper in the air.

Cartman knocked on the door, heard some rustling behind the door and heard an audible: "Who is it? What do you want?" The voice was rather husky, but there was no doubt that it was Maphesto's voice.

Cartman coughed, cleared his throat and said in a high girly voice: "Please sir, it's so cold out here. All I want is a place to stay for the night and some warn food to fill my rumbling tummy. Oh, won't you let me in?"

"Of course little girl," Maphesto replied from behind the door. "Let me just open the door and-"

The door was open and Maphesto stood in the door frame, his little sidekick, Kevin, standing before his feet. When Maphesto's eyes laid upon Cartman and Gerald, his eyes widened a fraction.

"Now," It was Mitch Connor that was speaking now from Cartman's hand. "You, Dr. Maphesto, are going to have a little chat with my friend, Eric, here..."

* * *

"You don't understand," Maphesto sighed as he looked at Cartan in the eyes. "I was told not to speak. I was going to tell you the first time, but-" Maphesto stopped speaking at once.

"Go ahead," Mitch Conor urged, the hand puppet looking at Maphesto (Was it really looking at Maphesto? Is it even real?). "I and Eric are waiting..."

Cartman, Gerald and Mpahesto were all standing in Maphesto's main labotory area. Weird looking form and objects floated in different colored liquids in big glass tubes. Monkeys with eight buts, a half bee and half goat, a chipmunk-chesses creature were all locked in cages along the side of the room, all eyes staring at the scene before them. The room didn't like it had been cleaned in years; cobwebs fell from the ceiling and dust lingered in the air.

Cartman was sitting on a chair and Maphesto was sitting on a chair opposite. Gerald stood just behind Cartman, his eyes shifting around the room, in a nervous way.

Maphesto sighed and dropped his gaze.

"I...I was going to tell you the first time but..." Maphesto looked up and stares just behind where Cartman sat. "...I was stopped by someone,"

"Who?" Cartman asked in a dark tone, demanding to be told the answer. "Who stopped you?"

"The same person that tried to kill me..."

"Who?" Cartman asked, his desperation to know that answer, growing by the passing seconds. He stood up and walked closer to Maphesto. "Who tried to kill you?"

Maphesto glances just behind Cartman at a particular spot. Cartman follows his gaze were it lands onto...

Gerald Broflovski.

What? No way!

"You!" Cartman shouts, understanding what Maphesto's eye contact was saying. "You tried to stop Maphesto from telling me the truth!"

Gerald's eyes dart around the room; he looked as though he was trying to find a way to escape; but all doors and windows were firmly shut. Seeing how there is no way to escape, Gerald sighs and begins his explanation:

"I panicked, all right. I didn't want anyone to know. My life would be ruined if anyone did! My wife, my reputation, my job; it would all be gone. You have to understand, Eric..."

Cartman did understand, but he wasn't happy about the reasoning. He was mad, no, furious! He was just furious!

"You still could have fucking told me in private you god-damn son of a bitch!"

"Hey!" Gerald exclaimed. "Don't speak to me that way; I am still your father,"

"Yeah," Cartman scoffs back. "We'll see about that..." For that is one of the reason's Cartman is here in the first place; to see if the Jew is his father.

Cartman turns back to Maphesto.

"Carry on," Mitch Connor says.

"After Gerald shot me and I recovered from my injury, I get a visit from your mother, Eric. Liana Cartman told me not to reveal the true identity of you father. She told me to tell you a cock and bull story which, I am sorry to say, you believed. For payment for doing as she told me to do, she gave me a blowjob,"

Oh, that bitch! He was right; Cartman is right! She had lied to him for all these years! She had lied to him, had told Maphesto to tell him a made up story to hide the truth! This was her doing as well as Gerald's! Both of his "_parents_" didn't want him to know the truth!

And Maphesto; the son of a bitch, getting a blowjob from his mom! He was next to be turned into chilly...

"Now, if that is all, would you mind leaving?" Maphesto says aggravated gesturing to the door.

"No, no, no," Mitch Connor says.

"There is still one question left unanswered," Cartman says, getting closer to Maphesto.

"I wanna know who my father is, once and for all..."

* * *

"The results are in," Maphesto said as he pulled off a piece of paper that came out of a huge machine.

"It's about freaking time," Cartman said as he walked to Maphesto, Gerald just behind him. "What took so long?"

"Analysing hair from DNA is a long process," Maphesto replied with the piece of paper in his hand. The test was to take a piece of hair from Gerald and apiece of hair from Cartman, analysing the DNA from both hair samples in a machine and then see if the machine matches the hair as the same.

"So, what's the result?" Cartman asked, impatiently. "Is he..." Cartman point to Gerald. "...my father or not?"

Maphesto looks down at the piece of paper and reads the findings for a few minutes. He stops and slowly looks down to Cartman.

"Well?"

"Gerald Broflovski is your father, Eric. You are the son of a Jew..."

* * *

**A/N:**

**Well, there's Part 2 done and dusted!**

**This chapter was going to be a lot shorter but, oh well. This chapter is so long that I decided to continue into a third part!**

**I really enjoyed writing this chapter. I got into Cartman's head of what he would feel if he was a Jew and was half-brothers with Kyle. Yeah, so ironic and yet so sad for him. LOL**

**Give me some good reviews and I will post Part 3 even quicker! :)**

**See ya in the next, and last, part! **


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